Before You Form an Opinion

Opinions are not facts. They are largely patterns of thought. Since most of us don't fully think for ourselves, a large part of our opinions and beliefs are actually other people's patterns of thought programmed into us.

Think about how often you've been compelled to agree with someone to avoid conflict. Think about how often you've dispelled with your opinion before fully hearing someone else's argument or thoughts on a matter. Think about how often you've secretly wondered, if even for the slightest moment, if that's what you really think or even if that's what you want to think.

They (the collective unnamed everybody else) want us to fall prey to groupthink, but they also want to provoke discord at the same time, presumably to move us ever closer to groupthink to avoid the discord.* Go figure.

This is done through all forms of media - from direct media such as personal conversations, to print media - books and magazines, to technology media in the form of advertising, "news" - fake or otherwise, videos, television shows and movies, etc.

As humans, there is a base program within us that looks for agreement because it is socially safe. Disagreement can be dangerous in the most ultimate conditions, at least as far as our most current and prevalent understanding of life.

Before we get to how you can refrain, if only for a moment, from forming an opinion, consider these two what ifs.

*There's also a lot of money to be made in groupthink and discord but that's a topic for a different post.

Two What Ifs

1. What if...Your purpose here can't be fulfilled if you are thinking like everyone else.
   
   You are unique. As unique as a snowflake (get that awful 21st century meme about fragility and entitlement out of your head. It's the perfect example of groupthink and discord-provoking media.); as unique as a fingerprint.
   
   Discord means to be disconnected from your heart, the metaphor for your true self and what was long considered in ancient cultures as your higher brain (along with the gut - think intuition).
   
   Your heart-centered and unique purpose can only be fulfilled when you give your own authority a chance to take center stage. This doesn't mean you get to run rough-shod over other people. It means you also recognize that everyone has this mission and purpose, to fulfill their own heart-centered and unique purpose.
   
   Consider the possibility that we can ALL share the stage, despite the long-standing message to the contrary. More on this later.
2. What if...Life isn't win or lose. You can't lose.
   
   There's this "scientific" theory floating around called Simulation Theory that states that we are living in a simulation, created by a being or beings of higher intelligence. Some call this God, some call it alien civilizations.
   
   I call it this: we are cocreators with something ineffable. We are all part and parcel (meaning both parts of, and the whole at the same time) of this Ineffable Something. The Great IS - also known as the Great I AM.
   
   Before the terminology Simulation Theory, there was The Game of Life. Many ancient scriptures allude to an indication that we can never be lost, never separated from our divine nature, despite the appearances here on earth. This has led to a belief that our existence on earth is a sort of school or game where we get to evolve.
   
   I am not asking you to believe me on this. Please don't take my word (or anyone else's word) for it. Don't form an opinion just yet...

Before you Form an Opinion

1. Listen
   
   Most of us don't listen very well at all. We hear, at least in part, but before long, certainly before an idea is generally expressed, we are off in our thoughts, preparing our response, whether we plan to deliver that response out loud or not.
   
   True listening means allowing the person speaking to us to feel safe to share their true thoughts and ideas. True listening requires a higher level of hearing, one that does not interrupt the speaker, even if only in our minds.
   
   Once we have gone off on the tangent of our own thoughts, even if unexpressed out loud, we have broken the safety that should be inherent in all conversations.
   
   It also doesn't mean agreeing, despite our (limiting) belief that it does.
2. Pause
   
   Don't agree too quickly. I uses to know someone who would finish a lot of her statements with "Right?" as if looking for consensus. It's not all that unusual for humans to want this sense of safety. Like I said before, there is an apparent safety in agreement and consensus. But, it can also cause a lot of problems down the road, when there arises a need to clarify an actual difference in thinking.
   
   True safety lies in being able to speak our minds, respectfully, without fear of recrimination or being ostracized. Mere agreement is not truly safe. It just sends authenticity into hiding, not only for the person "agreeing" in the moment, but the person speaking, who is not genuinely heard in their own authenticity.
   
   Don't disagree too quickly. This one is as important as the first. Many of us want to assert our contrasting thoughts on a matter, because to even consider an alternative makes us feel as if the foundations beneath us are shaking like an earthquake. It can feel unsettling.
3. Hold that thought
   
   "I'll have to give that some consideration," is a great response when you aren't sure what to think about new and/or contrasting information with your current way of thinking.
   
   It allows you to let the other person feel heard, without interjecting a possibly false agreement or a misplaced disagreement. It also OPENS YOU to an expanded mind! Do not underestimate the power of this last statement!!
   
   Yes, it will probably be uncomfortable to do this, at least at first if you are not accustomed to this way of listening without agreeing or disagreeing. This is an example of living on the edge of the unknown, being willing to explore new ideas and hidden potential and possibilities there.
   
   If you have to, leave the conversation with "I'd love to continue this conversation, after I've had time to ponder it. Let me get back to you." And then get back to them, however briefly or in depth. It could be as simple as a text "Thank you for expanding my mind. I enjoyed speaking with you about...." Then be open to further conversations if they happen, without feeling like it's an obligation.
4. Explore and Experiment
   
   Dare yourself to actually consider the weight of what this person shared with you. Be willing to look around you for evidence that at least part of what they said might be true, even if only for them, from their particular point of view.
   
   It is said that true compassion is the ability to walk (if only in our imaginations) in someone else's shoes. This is no small feat (homophonic pun not intended). It requires more than lateral thinking. We have to consider the things we know about them AND the myriad things we don't know about them that color their perceptions. We have to be able to understand their experiences, their challenges, their modes of thinking, their very way of being in the world.
   
   Impossible? YES! And that's the point. We already know that no one can possibly understand everything we go through personally, while we wish they could, and often insist that they do. So knowing this, perhaps we can grant them the same latitude before we agree or disagree - which could be said to be an indirect act of judgment of the ideas shared, but also of the person themself.
   
   Continue to watch for ways that their ideas expand your thinking, regardless of the opinion you finally form, if any. Notice how your experiences, challenges, modes of thinking, and sources of influence have molded your way of being in the world. Do you believe you are a fixed personality?? Try to remain fluid and find instances where those ideas are true or untrue, and quite possible both true and untrue at the same time.

It's A Practice

This type of allowing and thinking doesn't take place overnight. It takes a commitment and much self-awareness. I am still working on it myself, and will likely have to work on it for the rest of my life.

I'm game. Are you?

Here's to living on the edge!

Michele Jennae