I'm Asking for Permission: 3 Things

Have you noticed that people rarely ask for permission anymore? It's almost as if we actually believe that asking for forgiveness is easier and somehow better than asking for permission.

Coaching can be IS often uncomfortable, even painful. For the coach and the one being coached. The last thing I want to do is get into an uncomfortable session - incidentally where growth happens - and ask for forgiveness after the fact. Permission works much better for both of us, because it sets expectations and makes even the uncomfortable more rewarding and fun.

Should we work together, as your coach, I am going to ask for your permission to do (or not do) three things during our Inner Genius Sessions.

Permission to Forget
Permission to Remember
Permission Not to Interrupt

I am asking for permission to forget.

During our sessions, you are going to say a lot of things, about yourself, about your circumstances. You may feel as if some of the things you say are inseparable from who you are.

I don't want or intend to remember them all, and I'll tell you why.

• Some of the things you'll say aren't really relevant (or even true - see next point). They're often space fillers, words that come out of your mouth as you find your way around in your own thinking. As you explore your thinking, you'll come upon fresh insights about who you are, what you believe, and what you're truly capable of. You'll retain the power to change your mind.
• Some of the things you say aren't even true. They're patterns of thinking (excuses, limiting beliefs, conditioning) that you've simply become stuck in and accepted as true. This might surprise you; you don't have to believe everything you say (or think).

By not remembering everything you say, even details about yourself and your life that you may think are important, I create a space in each session that is fresh and new. This is how we explore your edge.

I am asking for permission to remember.

During our sessions, I am going to remember some basic and magnificent truths, and I intend to help you remember them too.

• You are perfect and whole, just as you are.
• You have a capacity for awe, wonder, and reverence.
• You have an innate passion to serve life, to serve others, and to learn, to know, and to experience the thrill of self-discovery.
• You are defined by what lies most deeply within you, by your values and by your actions.
• You have been called to SHOW UP! Your birth is evidence of your calling.

We are partnering in this coaching relationship to help you find the power in these magnificent truths, and subsequently the power to act from them in the ultimate expression of your being.

I am asking for permission not to interrupt; and permission to interrupt strategically if and when necessary.

Have you EVER had anyone ask for permission not to interrupt you? It's virtually unheard of. But it's a CORE part of our work together. AND it can be uncomfortable AF! That's why I am asking permission.

• I want you to be able to do your own independent thinking - and I know that's what you want too! It's almost impossible to do with interruptions. Think of the last conversation you had. Remember the propensity of the other person to interrupt with their thoughts, to complete your sentences even. Remember yourself doing this as well.
• You need to have time to think, to feel, to figure out what you really want to say. What YOU want to say. Not what you think I, or someone else wants to hear. Not someone else's thoughts and words in your mind and mouth.

"Interruption diminishes our thinking," says Nancy Kline, in The Promise That Changes Everything. "In the face of [interruption]," she says, "our own thinking barely has a chance to form."

Most of us have a very difficult time resisting the vacuum of open space and silence, preferring to fill it with something, anything, to break the silence, even if it means it diminishes the other person's thinking AND our own, and our relationships in the process.

I want you to consciously ALLOW me not to fill the silence, even when it is uncomfortable.

And so, I ask for permission not to interrupt you. Why not just the promise? Why permission?

Because I know you've likely never been asked permission, much less promised this before. Know that the silence I am promising WILL BE uncomfortable and awkward (likely for both of us) because we aren't accustomed to the open space. I am asking for permission to allow you to be uncomfortable, to be at your edge, where all growth happens.

That being said, if and when I detect that the silence is actually closing space instead of opening it, I may interrupt with something - with your permission - usually a reflective question, to expand the space again and give your thinking a boost.

Do I have your permission?

Here's to living at the edge,

Michele Jennae
EDG Coaching